I have had a lump in my throat since the second I woke up Thursday morning. Just a lump, a tightness, ready to crack at any second.
I have found myself consumed with so much emotion and raw feelings. Multiple times throughout the last few days, I have sobbed. Crying for the people of Ukraine. Feeling empathy and fear.
The fear of the unknown. The fear of the future, the fear for my family’s safety, fear for my children, fear.
This may be too graphic, too anxiety ridden, but my brain immediately goes to the worst case scenario. I have this vision in my head. I see myself shielding my children, protecting them, as fire and explosion ring in all around us. We are at the center of war and I can do nothing but lay my body over them as a shield. It is my biggest fear. And I haven’t been able to shake that vision from my mind.
This entire situation sits heavy at the pit of my stomach. I have had a really hard time thinking about anything else. I’ve been quiet, in my head. I’m trying to stay off of my phone and trying to stay away from the news. But I need to stay informed without taking away the precious moments of the current day.
It just seems unfathomable that this can be happening in our world today. I read about this stuff in history books. I’ve watched movies about these things. But to have it unfold in real time, breaks my heart.
I have gotten goosebumps and felt electricity run through my veins as I hear about the people of Ukraine fighting with their entire being, fighting with their souls.
Goosebumps as I hear the president of Ukraine say he doesn’t need a ride out, he needs ammunition because he’s staying to fight. The spirit of the Ukrainians has been felt across the world.
I have gotten goosebumps when I see the people of Russia boycotting their own president as they hold signs of support for Ukraine.
This is not the answer, this is not the way.
I can’t help but reflect on what the last 2 years have done to us as a nation. And do you know what my gut says is the problem? It’s not whether you believe Trump should be our president or whether you think Covid is a hoax. It’s technology. It’s social media. It’s ripping our friendships, family’s, and people apart.
We have always had different beliefs. People have always voted democrat or republican. People have always decided to get vaccines or decided to opt out. It has always been.
What’s the difference? We are now sharing our beliefs in a way we have never shared before. We are fighting with our friends and family behind our keyboards. We are losing respect for the people we used to love and cherish because their beliefs differ from ours.
But you see, they have likely always been democrat/republican. They have likely always been pro immunization/pro choice. So why the divide now?
Technology.
I respect every side on every issue. I can see key points from each. But I don’t need to convince anyone to change their minds. That is not my job.
And more importantly, I know I won’t be successful in changing anyones point of view with a Facebook post.
I just won’t.
I slowed down this week. I have had more patience. I have been more present with my children. I have held them in my arms and breathed them in. I have prayed for the first time in a long time. I have prayed so hard
I don’t know what the future holds. But I know I want our world to be safe. I want to give my children a beautiful life. I want to watch my children grow up. I want Hunter to continue to boss me around. I even want to live through Halle giving us hell through her teenage years. I want to grow old with my husband. I want to see my grand babies grow up. I want to live every moment with love.
We need more love and less of everything else. Just love, compassion, and understanding.
At the end of the day, we are all in this together.
Together, we can do incredible things.
With love (and lots of it),
Jordan
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