Heavy

I’ve been asked over and over again, how I feel about the current world circumstances. My constant and only response to this question is that the world feels…heavy. The burden of the pandemic, feels heavy. The juggling act of balancing my home life and work life feels heavy. Trying to find five minutes to myself feels heavy. The constant argument about politics, whether masks should be mandatory, and every other topic under the sun that has so suddenly divided the world, our peers, and most importantly our family and friends, feels heavy. Don’t even get me started about the heaviness of social media because truly, it may be the most toxic thing in our lives right now.

Some days feel exceptionally heavy. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I am working from home, while taking care of two babies, all while trying to keep my house in order, cooking every meal, trying to spend quality time with my husband and children, running errands, adding things to my never ending to do list, and to even attempt a minute to myself is almost laughable. Then to top it off, I start to feel guilty for even feeling that way because hello, so many people are dealing with bigger things. Some people are dealing with the unimaginable and I begin shaming myself because my world isn’t as heavy as others, so I have no right to feel this.

But I’m wrong. I don’t have to dismiss my own feelings or talk myself out of my exhaustion. I don’t have to disregard my truth because in all honesty, I do have two little ones whose worlds will always be on my shoulders (where they firmly belong). I shouldn’t feel shame when I tell my husband, I need a 30 minute walk to myself, “see ya soon”. I shouldn’t feel guilty if I ask my mom to take Hunter for the night so I can have a little break. I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help.

I tell my husband that I constantly feel like my brain is firing little messages at all times: you need to buy milk, you’re supposed to change the laundry, did you call and reschedule your dental appointment yet?, is Hunter getting too much screen time, is Halle teething or does she have an ear infection, am I failing at my job, you need to order a new water filter, you’re almost out of gas, did you put on deodorant today?

My to do list is laughable. I cross two things off and get to add five lol. It’s never ending and in all honesty, it never will.

I wish I had some life changing advice to help everyone navigate these trying times. Our lives are all so different, yet surprisingly, we all feel so much of the same thing. I think that is one of the most beautiful things about writing. I have discovered that so many people relate which in returns instills connection versus division.

My only advice is simple yet effective:

1. Do the best you can do and tell yourself that it is e n o u g h, because it is.

With love,

Jordan